The Kalparrin Centre

The Interagency Siblings Network

The Interagency Siblings Network is a group of Western Australian disability service providers who support siblings of children with special needs. The participating agencies are:

Activ Foundation - www.activ.asn.au
ARAFMI - www.arafmi.asn.au
Autism Association of Western Australia (Inc) - www.autism.org.au
Carers WA - www.carerswa.asn.au
Centre for Inclusive Schooling - www.eddept.wa.edu.au/CIS
Cerebral Palsy Association of Western Australian - www.cpawa.com.au
Curtin University, School of Psychology - http://psych.curtin.edu.au/
Cystic Fibrosis Association of WA Inc - http://www.cysticfibrosis.org.au/wa/wa-welcome/
i.d.entity WA - www.identitywa.com.au
Kalparrin - www.kalparrin.org.au
Local Area Coordinator's
Disability Services Commission - www.dsc.wa.gov.au
Spina Bifida Association - www.sbawa.asn.au

Siblings - who are they?

Siblings are the brothers or sisters of children who have a disability or chronic mental illness. The sibling relationship is special and long lasting. Having brothers and sisters with special needs can bring many challenges and a mix of positive and negative experiences; sharing and loyalty; rivalry and conflict. These normal emotions are more complex for children with a sibling with a disability or illness and when the family is stressed and time is short it can be difficult to meet the needs of all children.

Sibling concerns.

There can be good things and not so good things about being a sibling. Some of the positive things that siblings have found include:

Being more tolerant of others.
Being more confident and having better self esteem.
Having a close family network.
Being more caring.
Having special knowledge, skills and problem-solving abilities.

Some of the not so good things about being a sibling include:

Feeling left out and getting no attention.
Feeling jealous of a sibling.
Feeling angry or frustrated a lot.
Having to do more chores or caretaking.
Feeling responsible all the time.
Not being told important information.
Worrying about their sibling and what might happen to them.
Worrying about the future and who might care for their brother and sister.
Feeling different.
Feeling embarrassed.

Parent concerns.

Having a child with an illness or disability is stressful and can be demanding on the whole family. All parents want the best for all of their children, but it's hard to balance everyone's needs.

It can be difficult for parents to work out what is a response to an unusual circumstances and what is standard behaviour for children.

Parents naturally seek to protect their children, particularly from feelings of sadness or fears about the future. Unfortunately your children probably know more than you realise and can feel left out or more anxious if situations aren't explained or they think they can't express how they feel.

It can be tough for parents who know their children are upset and need support, while they are struggling with a difficult situation themselves. Finding people and places that support you and your children can make your situation more bearable.

What can parents do?

The following is a list that siblings suggest parents can do to help them:

Provide us with information about the disability or illness.
Help us manage the reactions of our friends and others to our sibling's illness or disability.
Open up the communication channels.
Acknowledge our feelings.
Recognise and discuss our losses.
Include us in the family discussions.
Discuss the future with us - keep a life journal we can refer to later in life.
Spend special one-on-one time with us.
Praise our achievements.
Encourage our independence.
Have fair expectations and demands for us.
Create a safe environment.
Help our family meet others in similar circumstances.
Don't be afraid to ask for help yourself.
Look after yourself!

When should parents be concerned?

Sometimes having a brother or a sister with a disability can be a challenge for all family members. These challenges may be behavioural, physical or emotional.

If children are not provided with opportunities to talk about their feelings and concerns they may turn these inwards and become depressed or anxious, or turn them outwards and become aggressive and attention seeking.

If your child is showing signs of not coping (eg tearful, moody, irritable, difficulty eating, sleeping or concentrating) or is having trouble getting along with their sibling, then you may wish to seek professional advice. A good starting point may be your GP, Local Area Co-Ordinator, Social Worker, School Psychologist or a University Psychology Clinic. You can talk to someone from the Interagency Sibling Network or perhaps the Kids' Helpline (1800 551 800).

Activities for Siblings in WA.

Sometimes just meeting with other siblings in a similar situation can help. There are lots of fun activities happening in WA for siblings of children with special needs. These include camps, events, social activities, support groups and fun days. Spending time with other siblings with similar experiences and feelings can be really important.

Useful sources of information

In addition to attending sibling activities you may wish to read some information on the topic. The Activ library has a good range of books, www.activ.asn.au/library. The following websites also provide some good information.