Kalparrin founder Margaret Cole

In her article ‘Dare to Dream', Kalparrin founder Margaret Cole talks about the early mothers groups which were the beginnings of Kalparrin, and how they developed into the organisation as it exists today.

Imagine this. You are starving. Although you fed breakfast to your husband and children, you had no time to get your own. Your youngest child had to be at physiotherapy by 10 a.m. and organising the family around this for months has given you the skills of a CEO of a major corporation. You execute the car loading, the finding of the parking space and the crossing of Thomas Street without being killed (this is before the tunnel!). Arriving at the Hay Street building you leave your child with the physiotherapist and go upstairs to the psychology department. In a sunny, north-facing room you meet six other mothers that you have gotten to know well over the last few months. There in the middle of the room is a tea trolley covered with a crisply starched white cloth. Underneath the cloth is your breakfast. Jugs of coffee, tea and Milo, plates of biscuits and fresh, buttered cinnamon scrolls. This is mothers' group just on twenty years ago. It is from this group that the whole Kalparrin movement grew.

Those early mothers' groups were special because of the cooperation and generosity of the physiotherapy department. When they asked me to talk with some of the mothers about non-therapy issues, I was concerned about the hassle of families having to make yet another journey to Princess Margaret Hospital, of having to find baby-sitting for one or more children, and the time needed to be found from an already over-busy life. Somehow the physiotherapists managed to timetable all the mothers' group children at the same time.

The groups met for about an hour and a half fortnightly. On the alternate week the mothers attended physiotherapy with their child. There was usually a video, a talk or a guest speaker followed by discussion and time for everyone to share the joys and pains of the previous two weeks. The subjects were very varied and arose from concerns within the group. We looked at reactions to diagnosis, managing behaviour problems, issues of grief and loss, how to manage other people's reactions to the diagnosis of difference in your child and many other topics.

It soon became clear that the mothers in the group dreamed of even a brief opportunity to rest and be the person they were before the birth of their special needs child. The idea of a weekend retreat was born! The first retreat was held in Lancelin at the Scout Association camp. There were 35 participants, mainly found by word of mouth from mothers in the group. I took all the supplies for breakfasts and lunches in the boot of my car, and we went to the local tavern for dinner on Saturday night (I had warned them!). The tavern did really well that night because when all the Cray fishermen heard there were 35 unattached women in town they came to have a look! The first camp song was Jennifer Warnes and Joe Cocker singing ‘Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong', and I cannot hear it even now without remembering the big room at Lancelin and experiencing the power and depth of the bond that was created between all of us on that first night.

After Lancelin we had another retreat within six months and the camps have been running twice a year ever since. We held a number of camps at the Fairbridge summer campsite in Hall's Head. Here everybody slept in bunk beds in 24-people dormitories where the wind blew through the cracks in the floor and pigeons flew in and out. For a long time, my daughters would come to mind breast-fed babies so their mothers could attend workshops, and that experience has been a very profound one in their lives.

There was a time when every second camp was held at Kingston Barracks on Rottnest. This required me to train as a Rottnest Island guide in order to obtain concessional prices, and an enormous logistical exercise to get 120 women on Boat Torque ferries from three different terminals! Eventually, the cost of catering and ferry fares put this special venue out of our reach.

The idea for a centre at the hospital came from the camps and mothers' groups. It is a tribute to all those involved that such a unique place as Kalparrin came into being. I heard today that the Hay Street building is to be renovated and that the Kalparrin Centre will be located there. It is a wonderful place for it and it will feel like ‘going home'.

My association with mothers' groups and Kalparrin camps has been a defining experience for me. The generosity, resilience and courage of all the women I have met, and the sharing of their lives through journal writing and discussions has enriched my life immeasurably.

Margaret Cole
Kalparrin Founder